Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Tuesday morning, July 23, 2013 at 06:55

Today is day 16 since my heart attack and again I have awakened to see the beginning of a new day.

This last Sunday I was able to go to church because Tim and Anita called to ask if we wanted to go and if I was able to go. I wanted to go - to worship God, but I do wonder about how much of a church service is really about worshipping God, or if more is about everything else except.

"But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for such the Father seeks to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." 
(John 4:23-24)

On the surface this may sound simple enough, but now as I become older, I wonder, what is genuine worship in spirit and truth? How do we really know what this is and whether or not our worship of God is true and acceptable to God?

Anyway, I do thank God for this new day and I am truly grateful for this second chance to remain here for a while longer. If nothing else, I truly discovered and confronted the reality that I can do nothing at all about my life. I could do nothing to stop, slow down or prevent my going. In the same way, I was completely powerless to do anything at all about keeping my own life and mortality. When I was revived and understood what was going on, I could only call out to God to let me remain; to save my life while I was in that ambulance.

"But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him saying, "O man of little faith, why did you doubt?"
(Matthew 14:30-31)

I was no different from Peter. I was already deep in the water and without hope. I cried out to God in my utter helplessness and that same Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught me. I cannot tell you why he heard my cry and saved me  - he just did. That same Jesus we read about had compassion upon me for no special or deserved reason I can claim. He just had compassion upon me.

Before all this occurred, I was beginning to think that I was old and most of my life was gone - and all of this is true - but I was also beginning to think that nothing was new and nothing was exciting any more. I was an old man already!

God woke me up!! 

Every day is a gift. Yes, most of my life has passed; my youth is gone; I am going to get older - but so what? Every day is new and that in itself is the wonder of life, the gift of life. I welcome each day with gratitude, but I am also aware that each new day may also be my last. I live more acutely with this reality - so I strive to remember to thank God for each new day instead of just taking it for granted.

"Then David slept with his fathers and was buried in the City of David."
(I Kings 1:10)

This may seem a strange verse to quote, but it was just like sleep when I went into cardiac arrest at the hospital. I was just talking to Kie and then was gone in an instant - just like falling asleep - only nothingness, not even awareness - just gone.

Coming back was like clawing back from a very different darkness and seeing light, which is life. Jesus is the light and in him is life. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome that light.

Last evening I went out for a walk with Kie. We went to Ellengale park and I walked up that hill to the top. On the way down we watched a train - CPR's Expressway. I was feeling tired out when we came home - perhaps I went too far too soon. Before, walking there and back was nothing. Today, reality is a different story. I am confronting a very shortened stamina, probably from the heart damage. But I am glad I went. The weather was just right for walking - and I was really hoping to see that particular CPR train.

Time to stop here and get ready for today. With gratitude to the God of Israel for this new day!

The Oddblock Station Agent.

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