I have not written anything in the last few days simply because there was little to write about. Anyway, I continue to do okay but I become nervous every time I feel something not right inside me... and ends up being nothing.
Verses in the Bible tell me to have courage and not to be afraid, but in truth, I am at times afraid and lacking in courage. I would be a liar if I said any differently. That aside, I do trust God's word - I can say that because I am here today. God has given me another day of life and I am here to thank him.
On the next page (above here) is the plastic bracelet from the hospital that I was in last Friday night and Saturday. The bracelet serves as a reminder that human help is available to me, and I am grateful that help is there.
"If anyone hears my sayings and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. He who rejects me and does not receive my sayings has a judge; the word that I have spoken will be his judge on the last day."
(John 12:47-48)
"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not of your own doing, it is the gift of God - not because of works, lest any man should boast."
(Ephesians 2:8-9)
Although this passage in Ephesians refers to the spirit, I can say that I was saved from physical death and restored by God's grace. I can assure anyone that surviving my cardiac arrest was not in any way of my own doing! I was powerless to alter the outcome and I have earlier said and written about that. I certainly cannot boast about anything that happened.
If my heart is heavy at any time, then it is because I do not know how to thank God for his mercy upon me. I cannot repay God for restoring life to me - I can never do anything except to say thank you, and this seems too little.
These last few days that I have been home alone I have tried to stay quiet and have done very little. I did a minimal amount of writing but that too can be physically tiring. Inspiration has been dry, but that is a normal response from being idle. I am idle to try and recover.
On Wednesday I did drive again. Tim came over and he accompanied me as I drove to the medical center and then back home afterward. That was trouble-free and without any lack of confidence - in other words, driving seemed the same as before my heart attack. I have not been out again but Kie was talking about going to Michael-Angelo's this evening to buy some things we may need.
I do not have any particular plans for today but I am wondering if I should post more stuff on my blogs as time and inspiration permit. I'll see how this day unfolds before me.
The Oddblock Station Agent
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