Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Tuesday morning, August 06, 2013 at 07:47

(The road to recovery can have many pot-holes and detours. These ramblings were my thoughts and feelings as I lived through those days and event.)

The previous entry was last Friday morning but of course that does not mention what occurred later in the evening. Late Friday night I began having chest pains that just would not go away. I tried taking that nitroglycerin spray but that did not seem to help. I was also getting very nervous and shaking - yes from fear of something about to happen. Anyway, Kie and I went out and walked around the block so I could calm down and try to relax. I felt better but the pain, not severe, would not go away.

After another half hour of waiting and no change, I decided to call Telehealth Ontario for their advice on what to do. In the end they said go to the hospital by ambulance and they made the call to 911 for me. Help arrived shortly and the paramedics were quickly checking me out. Tests were inconclusive and I agreed to go to the hospital. On arrival at the hospital I was parked in the hallway along with several others who were waiting to be admitted and seen. At some time after 02:30 I was finally admitted and moved elsewhere to wait to be seen.

Eventually I was examined and had some tests done. As Kie and I waited and sat up all night, my pain was intermittent but persistent, showing no sign of going away. Between 05:00 and 05:50 - the "Patients-in-process" waiting room (my name for it) had a large clock to watch - the pain was constant but never severe, more a nuisance than anything else. I was uncomfortable only because the pain would not go away and I was wondering what the possible cause was. Around 06:00 I had to go for an X-ray and had to get up and walk. That actually helped and made me feel better. After the X-ray, I felt better for the next hour, but the pain came back again.

Around 08:00 I was seen by another doctor and then informed that I was going to be admitted to Cardiology and moved upstairs. All along I was hoping the problem would be fixed and then I would get sent home. The doctor on duty wanted me to be examined by a cardiologist, only because I had a heart attack 4 weeks earlier.

I was eventually moved upstairs and into a hospital room in Cardiology - mostly for observation. All this time the intermittent pain continued without any change. I actually felt okay otherwise, and moving around was no different than before all this started. I would feel better when I would have to get up and use the bathroom.

Just after 13:00 the cardiologist came in and he said that he as certain that the cause of my chest pain was not heart related. He said he could not advise me what the cause was, but he was convinced it was not heart. I was happy to hear that news but the pain did not go away. The cardiologist informed us that all the tests done came up clean and showed no signs of trouble. My symptoms were not matching up to heart trouble. Walking around should have been having the opposite effect - causing more pain instead of less. In the end, the cardiologist wanted to send me home if I was okay with that.

Getting discharged from the hospital took almost 4 hours. Tim had come over before 13:00  and I was feeling bad that he was waiting around for me to be released.

That intermittent pain continued through the weekend but has decreased. I am feeling okay aside from the annoyance and constant reminders. This morning as I sit and write I have been okay since I got up. I was remembering that the cardiologist thought the pain could be stomach-acid related - having gas come up does relieve the pain but it never goes away. I can live with this if this is the cause of the discomfort.

What were my thoughts and feelings through Friday night and Saturday?

Psalm 4:8 and Psalm 8:4 - but I did wonder what was going to happen. I did pray for rest and restoration. I cannot say that my faith was not shaken - it was shaken - and only by what was a slight breeze - but I did not feel abandoned. God did not make any promise that is not already written in the Bible. God did not speak to me that I can claim to have heard him. I know only this: God is faithful in his word that has been given. That is enough.

Yes, I was happy to leave the hospital and to be able to leave the hospital. I was also mindful of those whom I saw downstairs during the night, and some of those same people were also being moved into Cardiology. I cannot say why I was permitted to go home and why they may not be able to. I can only acknowledge God's compassion upon me and to ask God not to forget the others. Human suffering will never end. I am mindful that another day awaits me in the future - this is what God has said - but I also know that Jesus has promised life afterward - and that is my hope. This is all that I have to hold on to. Jesus has been there and knows.

"And if you forget the Lord you God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I solemnly warn you this day that you shall perish."
(Deuteronomy 8:19)

This verse is recorded as a reminder to me, that I may never forget that the God of Israel is my god; my life, and my salvation through the One that he sent to bear my sins.

I have written more than usual, but the weekend that passed was far from usual or routine.

On Sunday morning Kie and I went to church with Tim and Anita. We have gone there 4 Sundays. We have gone because Tim and Anita are the only ones who have asked us if we want to go to church - I cannot drive yet. I have gone to worship God out of gratitude for restoring my life to me .

Sunday afternoon and evening Kie and I finally got to see David & Winnie's new home. They have a beautiful and large new home; they have known God's favour and blessing. My wish is that they never turn from God or forget that all they have been given is from God.

Afternoon, August 04, 2013. Enjoying a happy gathering in the back yard at David & Winnie's new home.

Yesterday was a quiet day at home. Kie and I went out twice for a walk to Ellengale Park and both times we did not see any trains. That was okay. Later in the afternoon Kie cut the grass while I looked on - supervised that is. I am not able to do that task right now. She only cut the back and that was enough. Most of the holiday Monday was spent resting. Again I was feeling that intermittent pain through the day - an annoyance at the most, but a constant reminder of my own fragility. This is the reality of my new life.

I am grateful to see this new day and to welcome it; to be able to record these words and paragraphs. As I have written many times these last few weeks, life is a gift that comes from God alone. I am grateful for this gift even though I know that one day he shall take it back and I too shall join my ancestors. I shall enjoy today and accept knowledge of the concept of tomorrow. Yesterday is gone so I cannot do anything about that.

"In him was life, and that life was the light of men."
(John 1:4)

We truly live in a very dark world, but the darkness has not overcome the light.

With gratitude to God for this day.

The Oddblock Station Agent

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